From Manila With Love

It's been 3 weeks and 2 days since I last left my dearest homeland for a 4 hour flight distant land .. a land of a thousand islands, but my destination was only to one specific island from the lot.

I have been to a few memorable faces, and have now increased and have now expanded my portfolio of acquaintances and friends to Phillipino folks over here throughout the duration I've been staying here and I intend to expand it even more.

Is this to say I have no friends back home? Heck no. I have friends. They irk me. They stress me out. But hey ... that's what friends do. But all in all, they make me laugh, they make me smile, they comfort me when I'm down. Ultimately, when I need them, they are there.

Anyway, what has Manila done for me?

The main purpose (for me) to head on to Manila is for experience purposes. It's not so much of sightseeing considering that I've been sent here for 7 weeks (which then 3 more weeks were added on to my stay), so there'll be plenty of that for sure. But, it's more of a what Nigel Lythgow always seem to tell the contestants in 'So You Think You Can Dance', that he wants to see them grow.

The question is ... have I grown? Its hard to say. I am, after all, a slow learner. LOL

I'd like to think that I have as I have, to some degree, been able to control some of my facial expressions and attitude as to now reflect the negativity although my heart and my emotions are full of bull at the time, but for the sake of training purposes, I have been able to let the emotions slide by, if only for a while. I believe, that n itself, is an achievement for me.

However, I have still not allowed my heart to grow as much as I needed it to grow. I am still a hopeless romantic and head over heels over every guy that catches my eye. Darn it!

Manila guys, I'm afraid to say as to not sound betrayal towards my nation, are so damn HOT!!!! -ter than those back home. LOL

Maybe it's being the fact that they're a mixed bunch of people ... Spanish blood, Phillipino blood (for sure), and all sorts of blood ... I mean ... look at D-Trix for instance ... hello ... cutie pie!

So of course ... I'm spoilt for choice ;D not that I have a chance in hell though. But, well, it's refreshing for the eyes ... I wake up and see hot guys, before I go to bed I see hot guys ... it's a win-win situation for me. I don't have to get to know them. Seeing them is more than enough. Seeing a smile on their face is like WOW ... I've yet to see this one guy smile yet. I've still got 6 weeks to go. By hook or by crook, I'm gonna get him to smile.

Just a thing though ... I'm too .. how to say, hard at smiling myself? Well, it's more due to the fact that it's difficult for me to show courtesy to guys I like because I don't want them to know I like them? It's like back in junior school .... you like someone, and you bully them ... Dang! I have not grown up it seems.

Well ... on another note, I'm cooking more now (out of desperation) so ... kudos to my future husband. He's gonna get one heck of a wife ... you lucky man!!!!!

;D

From Manila With Love

http://www.rdasia.com/Jokes/funniest

http://www.rdasia.com/Jokes/funniest

http://www.rdasia.com/Jokes/funniest

To Be Or Not To Be ... The Infinite Question

I sometimes wonder why my blogs almost, if not, always dwell on doom and gloomy subjects. Am I so depressed that it's always negative? Everything I write has to be negative?

No, I am not depressed. It's just that, as I have once mentioned during an introductory session in one of a Learning & Development class I attended last year, "I find inspiration in depression."

I suppose that is true for everyone. When you're in this very deep, emotional state of mind (which one always in during times of sadness) you are bound to think quite a lot. You will be dwelling on so many things ... verging on exaggeration (re the sadness) that you are more inspired, to say the least, to pen down your thoughts as it is almost a form of release when you are able to see the 'pain' in words typed out in front of you.

 In the last week itself, whilst staring aimlessly into the glare of my two monitor screens, I was in such a state of melancholy that I had to Google 'prayers for inner peace' just to get by the day.

I had to get back in touch with my spirituality as I felt that getting close to God is the only way I can find peace, to calm my state of mind.

It had me thinking. While I was sitting, praying for His guidance, I realised that I have not been close to Him. I have lost in touch with Him. I have almost forgotten Him. And he found a way for me to remember ... through pain and through life obstacles, did I only found the righteous path once more.

I fear that once this emotional negativity is over and done with, that I will once again forget Him. I pray that it will not happen. Because I know, once I forget, He will find a way to make me remember. And I cannot take another heartbreak of such a kind. 

He has given me so much love and joy in my life that I was too blind to see as the obstacles laid down in front of me, shielded my vision and the gratitude that I have so much more than I realised, slipped from my train of thoughts.

Recently, my health came to a pause as the long neglect of my own well-being has finally caught on. My lungs are not strong as twice in two months I have undergone a small breathing test and both times, I fell short of the minimum capacity.

At my age, my height, my weight, the minimal lung capacity that I should easily achieve is 400. The first time I went to the respiratory specialist, my first trial, I only achieved 360. Another trial, it decreased to 350. The third time, 320.

I was thus given some medication as it was suspected that this was due to small inflammation in my esophagus that obstructed my breathing capacity. A follow up appointment was thus made one month later.

It got better after a week of the treatment. But after the weekend at Chilling Falls, (what with the icy, cold stream of water and the 1 hour trek to and back from the waterfall) I suppose it was too much for me. The hoarseness came back. My head became heavy again. The back of my throat itched again.

Another breathing test. First trial - 350. Lets do this again - 380. One more time - 360. Still not good. Still unable to reach even the bare minimum.

The good doctor upped the medication and added an inhaler to 'strengthen' my lungs.

Throughout the three visits to the hospital, I spent almost RM 800! I suppose more than that if you add the taxi fares as well.

Darn. My fingers are so blue. What the heck? It's not even cold.

I need a change of scenery. Health-wise, and personally, I am determined to change myself. Although words have been spoken hindering me to leave, I have to turn a blind eye ... for my own personal and professional benefit, I need to leave. I realise that I am missing out on opportunities that don't come knocking everyday, but I'd rather miss that out than hurt anymore.

I pray that I have the blessings of my parents, I believe that I will, and it puts a smile on my face to know that they only wish the best and my ultimate happiness in life and thereafter.

And I also know, that my decision will ultimately affect my relationship with God, InsyaAllah, for the better.

Amen

"What is destined will reach you, even if it be underneath two mountains. What is not destined, will not reach you, even if it be between your two lips!"

— An Arabic proverb 

"O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient. (The Cow 2.153)"

To Be Or Not To Be ... The Infinite Question