It seems that history can repeat itself for all I care, because I never seem to learn from it. When will I ever learn to just...give up! It's not worth my time, it's not worth my effort. Only tears and despair are all that I will endure. All hope will shatter. Hopeless...hopelessly devoted...
I have spent more than a year, then it was almost a year, and to what? Nothing. I've been hanging on a string...a string of despair. They've all been one-sided, and yet, I still let myself fall into this emotion. I still let myself hang on to some hope that is nothing but hopelessness. letting myself believe that it could be, when it was obvious it couldn't. Allowing myself to fall when there was no one to catch me.
People tell me there's still hope. They are wrong. People tell me, just let time take its course. It's not the direction I want it to head. People tell me there's plenty of fish in the sea. It's either I'm not interested, or they're not interested in me. People tell me I'm too picky. I'm not just going to take whatever is there. Not simply any Tom, Dick, or Harry. This is my life we're talking about.
I'm too naive.
I made my decision. I will no longer let myself be fooled. I've removed everything that reminds me of him. Avoidance is necessary. Elimination is vital. For my own sanity, to me, he no longer exists. And yet, I am writing this, a reminder of his existence. I am still thinking of him, although I have promised myself not to. That just goes to show, I never learn to learn from history and experience.
Drastic measures I have placed before me to ensure that he will never pop in my head again.
How can I let this happen? I don't even know him! And yet... I envisioned so much, with so little. A fool I am...rushing into nothingness, emptiness, loneliness. One-sided... That's all I'll ever feel. That's all I'll ever be.
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