The Words of A Mother

A mother is a special person. A wonderful person, who has given you life. She laboured through excrutiating 9 months plus, and endured un-imaginable pain for hours on end, just to bring you to this world. A mother raised you, fed you, did everything you would expect from a person you call a mother ... and more.
The words spoken through her lips have so deep a meaning to your life. Be it advise, a shoulder to cry on, and even ... a harsh word or two. I just endured the latter.
One cannot imagine that a mother is capable of saying such cruelty. Her words cut me through like a knife. Torn my heart apart with such ease. But no blood was spilt. although I wish it did. Those words could kill me. And I wish it would. Because remembering every sentence, word by word, brings so much pain, and so much tears, I just wish I could end it right now. I don't want it to go over an over like a record in my head. I want it to stop. The only way it could stop is if I stopped breathing.
I'm not going to kill myself. What? Do you think I'm freakin' crazy? No. Because I know if I did, not only will I receive the wrath from Almighty, but it will also kill my own mother. For she would know that it was her very words that killed me. And I don't want her to go through that. I lover her too much.
No matter what she says, she is still my mother. And nothing is going to change that. No matter how painful.
All I can do now is just go through life, knowing that she siad those cruel things to me. And I cannot face her for that.
Call me a coward. I don't care. Because the only reason I don't want to see her again, is so that I won't have to look in her eyes and remember the things she said, and animosity to brew inside of me. I don't ever want to hate her. I want to love her. And I want her to love me.
I know in Islam, a mother's wrath is God's wrath, and I fear for both. And knowing that my mother hates me, makes me hate myself and life in general. Maybe it is better for me just to ... disappear from the face of the Earth. Maybe it's for the better good of mankind. Maybe it is.
No. I won't kill myself. I'll let someone else do it for me.
How does it feel to be killed by a speeding car? I want my death t be quick. No pain. No more pain. It pains me enough already. It pains me more than being hit by a car, or a truck for that matter. But I think it's best just the same ... that ... I just ... died.
It's the best possible solution, for everyone's sake, and myself.

The Words of A Mother

Treehuggers Unite

I have no idea what went through my brain. Treehuggers? Seriously? How hippie can I get? And how cliche..Darn it.

And yet...what an overwhelming response I got from people. They must have no apparent idea how plagarised this name is. Oh...btw, I didn't plagarise it. I had no idea it actually existed. I mean, I know Treehuggers exist as in that's what they call the peace-lovin', weed smokin' bunch of 70's hippies. But people actually still use that to describe their love towards the environment?

Amazing. Truly amazing how millions of people around the world have no sense of imagination or creativity or originality for that matter (me included) but hey, I can be excluded actually. Because I created this out of passion for environment (which everyone else as well I suppose) but also because I like to reminisce about the 70's.

No, I wasn;t alive during that decade. I just love That 70's Show. Fez and Hyde. Two amazing characters. One is super cool, and another...foreigner. Should I say more? i want to know what his real name is and where he came from...

Toodles

Treehuggers Unite

Dirrty

I have no idea what's going on in my mind right now. My thoughts keep going over and over about the same thing. And I have no idea why. I'm not forcing myself to think these things. I don't want to think these things. I don't want to have these visions, these dreams.

I feel dirty...unclean. I feel like a right-down pervert.

I can't face the people...I know who they are. Yes. You read it right. It's they, as in plural. Not just one person. It's 2 or 3. Horrible to think that this can happen.

People say it's normal, it's natural. I feel like I should join the Sex Addict Anonymous.

I want this to stop. But it does feel nice. It does have a great feeling.

But it's not that great when you're having visions while you're at work, in front of the PC and you're colleagues are everywhere around you.

Is it because of hormones? I don't know. It's not my cycle yet. This is just too weird.

Dirrty