Some Things I Never Learn To Learn

It seems that history can repeat itself for all I care, because I never seem to learn from it. When will I ever learn to just...give up! It's not worth my time, it's not worth my effort. Only tears and despair are all that I will endure. All hope will shatter. Hopeless...hopelessly devoted...

I have spent more than a year, then it was almost a year, and to what? Nothing. I've been hanging on a string...a string of despair. They've all been one-sided, and yet, I still let myself fall into this emotion. I still let myself hang on to some hope that is nothing but hopelessness. letting myself believe that it could be, when it was obvious it couldn't. Allowing myself to fall when there was no one to catch me.

People tell me there's still hope. They are wrong. People tell me, just let time take its course. It's not the direction I want it to head. People tell me there's plenty of fish in the sea. It's either I'm not interested, or they're not interested in me. People tell me I'm too picky. I'm not just going to take whatever is there. Not simply any Tom, Dick, or Harry. This is my life we're talking about.

I'm too naive.

I made my decision. I will no longer let myself be fooled. I've removed everything that reminds me of him. Avoidance is necessary. Elimination is vital. For my own sanity, to me, he no longer exists. And yet, I am writing this, a reminder of his existence. I am still thinking of him, although I have promised myself not to. That just goes to show, I never learn to learn from history and experience.

Drastic measures I have placed before me to ensure that he will never pop in my head again.

How can I let this happen? I don't even know him! And yet... I envisioned so much, with so little. A fool I am...rushing into nothingness, emptiness, loneliness. One-sided... That's all I'll ever feel. That's all I'll ever be.

Some Things I Never Learn To Learn

Sacred Heart

The heart is a sacred thing that must be cherished and guarded at all times. The heart is not made of diamonds that is almost impossible to crack, to shatter, to destroy. The heart can easily be broken. The heart is then, almost impossible to mend.

Sacred Heart

The Great Impression ...

“The Great Depression, like most other periods of severe unemployment, was produced by government mismanagement rather than by any inherent instability of the private economy.”

Milton Friedman quotes (American Economist, b.1912)

History has a funny way of repeating itself. And the manner in which it repeats may not be really funny at all. Well, probably not to those who are experiencing it. And as a matter of fact, when you look back at this in a few years time, it may not even be remotely funny in the least. Forgive my mannerism. I cease to find humour in the subject in which I wish to quote.

It was during the period when Carl Denham set sail to Skull Island with a beautiful yet desperate would-be actress, a reluctant scriptwriter and film crew in tow. It was the period during which thousands of New Yorkers found themselves on the streets, jobless, penniless and hopeless. It was during this period that the financial world found itself in severe jeopardy and no way to escape the crisis in which it blindly led itself into ... a black hole.

It is now the new millennium. A new era of revolution. And yet, it does not seem to differ from some 80 or so years ago, as the financial giants have now yet again blindly led themselves sinking into a giant quicksand of financial ruin. And us little people have to face the consequences of the mismanagement and greed that has been so in sync with the CEOs and heads of financial institutions all over the world.

I may be the last person to actually come up with this issue, but I actually am not about to be talking about financial crisis, credit crunch and to reminisce about The Great Depression.

Let me give a scenario in which I am directly and indirectly linked to this crisis and I have come to loathe ... loathe does not quite describe this specific emotion that I am feeling. I suppose abhor could be more accurate. I have not found myself on the streets begging for mercy. I do not find myself perpetually facing threats of retrenchment as in the face of adversity, the company in which I am employed in, has prevailed and has outshone and outgrew rival companies and even able to maintain its profitability. And yet, I am not in the least content.

No, I am not a KGB-ish spy or a member of an underground organisation that is adamant in bringing down and destroying rich organisations. I am only a humble employee that has only career development as her goals.

Struggling to maintain my integrity, my dignity albeit the situation in which I am forced upon is a task I have to endure given the circumstances which has enveloped and entwined its long, curly and nasty fingers around the slip of paper in which I long for and wait for every single month. As of recent events, I am no longer expectant of these monthly slips of paper. I now wish I never have to see these papers as I seethe in anger and frustration at every inching moment. I have been robbed of what I deserve. I no longer have the aspirations I so naively had. I no longer have the motivation of which I strongly struggle for in every waking moment. I am as of now, a walking robot. A puppet that has no will of her own, but to struggle everyday to satisfy power hungry and money hungry monsters.

The new Millennium has a new Depression, and this new era of Depression has caused a profound Impression on those who has the same thoughts, the same sentiments as myself.

The Great Impression ...